Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, if unlikely, princess called Polly. Princess Polly had been locked in a cold stone castle miles from anywhere by her wicked uncle the Red Baron Beret. The Baron was far too busy making fancy hats for his croak SWAM (Special Weapons And Millinery) force in preparation for the invasion of neighbouring Frogland to bother with his poor lonely niece.

As Princess Polly traipsed once again around the splendid garden of her castle, she saw a large frog sitting on a really large lily making the usual disgusting array of ribbett-ribbett and knee-deep noises.

"Ah, ha!" thought the dazzling Princess Polly. "Perhaps if I pick up that slimy green blob of eructation, and give it a really big kiss, it will turn into a handsome prince who will say "You trilby mine!" and carry me away from all this!"

In one deft move, she scooped up the nauseating amphibian, puckered up and gave him a great big sloppy kiss. Flash, bang, wallop! Up like an arrow shot the handsome prince, Hero of Dreams.

"Oh, handsome Prince," she gasped. "Will you marry me?!"

"What? Marry some kinky girl who goes round kissing frogs?! Leave it out!"

EUG #16