Husband 1.0 - A Real Flop

By Anon

Originally published in EUG #57

You'll remember that EUG #56 included an article "Will It Change Your Life?" which, though it wasn't related to BBC machines per se, had a slightly computerised 'bent'. Feedback so far hasn't indicated that any readers have a problem with such material being included, so here is another interesting email we were forwarded:

Husband 1.0's A Real Flop

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from BOYFRIEND 5.0 to HUSBAND 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under BOYFRIEND 5.0.

In addition, HUSBAND 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as ROMANCE 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as "Sky Sports 5.0" and "NBA 3.0". CONVERSATION 8.0 no longer runs and HOUSE_CLEANING 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.


Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind, BOYFRIEND 5.0 is an entertainment package while HUSBAND 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command:

and install TEARS 6.2. HUSBAND 1.0 should then automatically run the applications GUILTY 3.0 and FLOWERS 7.0. But remember that overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GRUMPY_SILENCE 2.5, HAPPY_HOUR 7.0 or BEER 6.1.

BEER 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. Do not install MOTHER_IN_LAW 1.0 or reinstall another BOYFRIEND program. These are not supported applications and will crash HUSBAND 1.0.

In summary, HUSBAND 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HOT_FOOD 3.0 and LINGERIE 5.3.

Tech Support