By Dave Lodge

Originally published in EUG #73

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This is an old BBC Micro classic adventure, written in The Quill and detailing and based around several 1980s UK TV soaps. Some of the references and puzzles will probably be confusing for non-UK people.

Warning: a lot of the puzzle solutions are puns based on common sayings so they may not make sense without an explanation.

The adventure is in four separate parts which can be played in any order, though parts 3 - 4 are easier and don't have any annoying mazes. You will gain points for certain actions and can lose them for failing to do things. The maximum score is 100 on all parts, but part 2 (which is 105).

Part 1 - Emeroyd Farm

We start out in the kitchen with a frog and a piece of red rag. KISS the FROG (5 points) and GET KEY. Ignore the rag and leave E, E. GET VASE and SMASH VASE (5 points) and GET TICKET. EXAMINE MANTLEPIECE, then PRESS KNOB.

Head E and GET STONE, then go back W, W, U and EXAMINE PHOTO (5 points) and GET BADGE, WEAR BADGE. Go E and EXAMINE BED and GET PIZZA. Now head out of the house: W, D, S.

We're in the farmyard mini-maze, this consists of six rooms and is easy to map. Head E, S, E to the barn and KICK BUCKET (5 points) (as in "kicked the bucket"). GET PEG and GET BUCKET. Head back W, W, S to the hayrick and EXAMINE HAYRICK (5 points) and GET the NEEDLE ("needle in a haystack"), note this is a random chance and you may have to repeat it until you find the needle. Head N, W, WEAR PEG to protect us from the smell and S to the cesspit. GET WORM, N and REMOVE PEG.

To finish this area, we need to collect the final items from the house, so go E, N, W, N, E, ENTER ROOM and PICK LOCK with the needle (5 points). GET MONEY, GET BOOTS, WEAR BOOTS and head back out: EXIT ROOM, W, S, W, W.

A crow will stop us advancing, so THROW STONE (as in "stone the crows") (5 points) and go W, W. We're about to enter the woods mazes (there's two of them). These are quite large, but are easy to map out with objects. As we're going to use direct movement commands here, we're going to drop some items we no longer need: DROP KEY, DROP NEEDLE, DROP PEG.

Now head S, S, E, E, S to the base of a giant oak tree. CLIMB TREE and EXAMINE LEAVES and GET HERRING, go back D. Head W, W, N, if we'd had the rag, then the bull would charge us. You can get extra points here by GET WALLET, FEED PIG (5 points), though you don't need to do this to finish the adventure.

Head W, S, E and INSERT COIN, GET PHOTO. Head W, W and BUY RAILCARD (5 points), GET RAILCARD. We've now finished this section of the woods, so head back to the road ( E, N, N, E, N, N). REMOVE BOOTS, DROP BOOTS.

Go N, E, E, E to the picnic area. GET PUDDING (ignore the pork scratchings) and go W, W. Here we get 5 points from wearing the badge. Now SMOKE HERRING (over the fire) (5 points) to get a red herring and continue on W, N, N where the guard will let you past as you're carrying Wrigley worm (as in the chewing gum company) (5 points). Ignore the chewing gum and continue E. GET CEMENT (in the bucket) and return to the road: W, S, S, S, S, S.

Go W to where your relations are stopping you, now CEMENT RELATIONS (5 points) (terrible pun!) and continue W, W and S to the pub. BUY BEER and DRINK BEER, try to leave ( N) and then GIVE HERRING (5 points).

Head N into the church and PRAY (5 points and will let you get past the vicar later), then go D and EXAMINE REGISTER (5 points). GET PASSPORT and return to the village square: U, S, W, W, N. Then SWIM LAKE (using the Yorkshire pudding) to gain a visa and 5 points.

Head back S, W, W (5 points). Finally BOARD TRAIN to finish this section (and gain 5 points).

Score 100

Part 2 - Abdication Street

We start on the train with no ticket. EXAMINE RACK and GET UMBRELLA, then GET NEWSPAPER and READ NEWSPAPER, remember the given number (4549), it'll become important later. LIFT CARPET (5 points) and GET TICKET.


Leave the train by going S, W, S. Continue W and GET COBWEB, OPEN CRATE (5 points), GET DETONATOR. Now head E, E, E (5 points), S and GET TRIPE, then N.

We're now going to enter the Winding Streets maze, like the woods in part 1 this is easy enough to map with objects, but as this walkthrough already knows the route we're going to drop our now useless objects: DROP NEWSPAPER, DROP BAR. Also OPEN UMBRELLA or we'll find ourselves in the hospital from all the rain.

Go N, N and GET WICK. Go back S, E, S, E, E and INSERT CARD, 4549 (5 points) to get some money. Head back W, W, S and READ PAMPHLET to learn about a black pudding bomb, we already have the components to make one of these, so MAKE BOMB (10 points).

Before we can use it we need to get something to light it, head N, N, W, S, S, S, S, E and BUY LIGHTER. Go W, N, N, N, E, E, S, S, E to the offices of Equity. Now DROP BOMB, DROP TRIPE and EXPLODE BOMB (10 points) and the safe is blown open.

GET PASS, ERASE PASS (5 points) and head to the studio reception ( W, N, N, W, N, W, S, S, S, S, S) where our pass lets us in (5 points). Continue S (5 points) and W to the casting room, GET CONTRACT, SIGN CONTACT (5 points) and leave E, E.

To get our make up done, GIVE PANCAKE, GIVE COBWEB (5 points) and we can now go on set. Head to the set: W, S (5 points), S. We still need to escape from the studio, so go W, W, N to the prop room and GET UNIFORM, WEAR UNIFORM. Head back S and EXAMINE DUCKS, then GET EGG. Continue E and N to the toilet and BREAK EGG (5 points) to get a clue, though I can't work out what the clue means. Anyway, EXAMINE BASIN and PULL HANDLE, then FLUSH TOILET (5 points) to be flushed out into the alley.

Finally, go N, N, BOARD BUS (5 points) and finally DRIVE BUS (10 points) to finish this part.

Score 105

Part 3 - Cross Eyes Motel

We start outside the Motel, wearing the uniform from the last part. Before we can go in we need to change out of the uniform into something more appropriate.

Start by going W, W and GET OVERALLS, EXAMINE OVERALLS, EXAMINE POCKET (5 points), GET GLOVES and DROP OVERALLS. If you're prepared to lose some score you can actually skip bits of the adventure by keeping hold of the overalls and then GET MONKEY, but as we're trying to get a full score, we won't be doing this.

Head back E, E, S then GET TURTLE, TURN TURTLE to see your reservation number (9454) (5 points). DROP TURTLE and head back N, E, S, S and GET WIRE-CUTTERS, GET STOCKING. Go N, E and EXAMINE POTHOLE (5 points). GET POT and WEAR POT.

Go S and WEAR GLOVES and CUT FENCE (5 points). Go S and E, the crow's stone will bounce off the chamber pot. EXAMINE SCARE-CROW and GET SUIT (5 points). Now head back W, N, N, E, S to the changing room. REMOVE UNIFORM, REMOVE POT, REMOVE GLOVES and WEAR SUIT. We can also DROP GLOVES, DROP UNIFORM, DROP POT now.

Now to enter the motel, go back N, W, W, N, W. Make a slight detour S and GET FISH (with the stocking) (5 points). Now go N, N and 9454 (10 points). Go W and GET ALE, now head E, E and EXAMINE BONES (5 points), GET SKELETON, GET BONES and go back W, N, N, D, E. The ale will provide light (5 points), GET EXTINGUISHER.

Go W, U, E, E, S and FEED SEAL (5 points), now GET ENVELOPE and OPEN ENVELOPE (5 points) to get an invitation. Go back N, W, W, W, W, S and EXTINGUISH FIRE (15 points).

Now go N, N and FEED DOG (5 points) and continue N, N. The musical clue given here is the theme tune to the BBC Radio 4 soap "The Archers". Carry on N and E to the pub and GET TRAY.

Now head back W, N (an arrow will bounce off the tray) (5 points), N and WAIT to get 10 points and the end of part 3.

Score 95 points

Part 4 - Dead Enders

We start in a street with a dustbin. EXAMINE DUSTBIN, GET APPLES then go S and GET PEARS. Go N, E, S and GET PUMP. DROP APPLES, DROP PEARS and U ("apples and pears" is cockney rhyming slang for "stairs") (10 points). GET INVITATION, GET PRESCRIPTION. Go back D and EXAMINE RUBBISH (5 points) and GET UNIFORM.

Go N, N, N and GET CHEWS, go back S and W and GIVE PRESCRIPTION (5 points). Now go E, S, E (5 points), E, S, S to get a part as the barman. Go N, N, N, N and E to get costumed (5 points). Now head W, W to get made up (5 points). Finally we can enter the set: go E, S, S, E, E.

One of Dead Enders stars has collapsed in an alcoholic stupor in front of you, PUMP STOMACH (10 points) to be allowed to continue.

Go S, W, S and GET CURRY POWDER. Go back N, E, E, E and WASH MOUTH before the show gets banned (10 points). Carry on E and CURRY FAVOUR (5 points), then continue E, EXAMINE RADIO and GET VALVE. Then PLAY MACHINE (5 points) and GET MONEY. Now head W, N and GET BOWL.

Head S, W, N, W and FILL BOWL (5 points), then ADD TABLETS (5 points). Go E, S, E, N and DROP BOWL to put the dog to sleep. Go N to be told there's a part in American soaps.

Head back S, S, W, W and S and BUY TICKET (5 points). Now go N, N, N, N and GIVE VALVE (5 points). Finally go S, W and BOARD TAXI (10 points) to finish the adventure.

Score 100

Total score 400